'Bout our business...

Meaness in teenage girls translates into so much.  They can say things that sting like acid to each other yet go back and hang with the same chick they just tore down.  They can hate to be there yet can't wait to go back.  They despise you and yet want to be like you.  It's not an enigma... it just is what it is.

What is the source of this lashing out?  Well, when babies are hungry, they cry.  When teens are unsure and uncomfortable about themselves, they lash out.  They lash out on whoever is around; it is cruel, it is mean, but it is what it is.

What can you do about it?  Well, it's kinda like a hungry man with a recipe and ingredients.  It ain't food yet until he mixes them together by following the instructions, and he has to cope with the fact that he will indeed be hungry until the meal is done.  These young women are quite simply 'undone'... they are either improperly  mixed together or they have all the ingredients but are in need of instruction.

This leads me to the question, "Are we doing our teens a favor in leaving them to 'find' themselves?"  What do we leave thme to look for?  Do they have a point of reference they can employ?  In popular psychology's  quest for self-exploration, have we left our children to embrace chaos for the sake of creativity?  I have a lot of questions today I know, but everyday when I look at these young ladies, they seem to be saying "please show me something eternal... I want to be 'bout something."

Laying down foundational understanding requires order, set direction, and a sheer resolve that transcends their meaness and speaks the truth in love to them.  We may have to be open about the mistakes we have made and hinderances they have resulted in.  We must tell them there is a God and only a fool believes otherwise.  We should tell them they are divinely created to carry out a purpose on this earth according to a soveriegn design, and we have to believe and work with them until it is realized.  We will show them how to enjoy and love themselves as women and individual personalities, and give them space to be who they are while refining how they represent themselves to others.  It is a work that takes faith, patience, and divine guidance in order to accomplish without selfishly using who they are to magnify who we are.

In a nutshell- we must love our daughters by applying consistent correction to them.  Holding them accountable to a standard may not be popular- and I can remember disliking my mother many a day- but the fruit of such discipline can't be even be measured.  I had the wonderful experience today of hearing one my DIVAS actually admit to the wrong she had done... the process of thought she employed led her to the conclusion that she was ultimately to blame.  Priceless... and a mark of maturity at an age where everything is someone else's fault.  The greatest thing is that I didn't have to fuss... all I had to do was listen. She took ownership of the standard, and I was extremely glad.

I am not attempting to sugar coat the downright anger that is sometimes beneath the surface of our personalities- it won't be denied, bubbling up and causing events that would otherwise be uncharacteristic.  However, we cannot be afraid of the potential meanness and uglyness; we can't be afraid of the attitudes, the poppin' and lockin' and sheer power struggles that may come.  We have to look beyond them and see their future... that is the only we we can keep from getting emotionally offended.  In us is the power to equip our young ladies to "be 'bout somethin'..."  Blessings!CH